Dear Sir or Mam,

I’m not sure what you think gives you the right to SELL his royal highness’s trombone, but I assure that you are certainly treading on dangerous ground. Being as how you are taking this risk upon yourself I cannot resist the temptation that I have to place my lips upon the silver bowl of a mouthpiece that was once home to the lips to our lord the king.  I must divulge however that I am in FACT a “scammer” by trade, being that I tell half truths and sometimes out right lies for my own personal financial gain, be that as it may this IS a serious inquiry and I do hope you can see fit to make this one exception to your policy so that I may cross the royal brass ‘Bone.

Thank you and God save the Queen’s… trumpet.

And Here’s the reply:

HEY,

Sorry you lost my email; I remember how fun it was when I “brought the dogs out” (though I’m sure it was more than a FEW times ;-). I didn’t actually “SEE” your post considering I have this rapidly progressing glaucoma which I’m SURE I told you about between now and our last dalliance. I agree that the sex was GREAT… but I probably won’t be back at Best Buy until my RewardZone account gets reactivated and they give me my dollars that I f*&king earned when I bought that toaster oven, microwave and dirt devil (which are ALL required to make the dogs come out if you remember correctly). See you when I see you, in Oracle.

Love,

The person you used to meet at BEST BUY IN ORO VALLEY